Cover Image

How it All Began - My Journey Into the Beauty Industry

November 26, 2022 - Reading time: 10 minutes

Putting on cosmetics has always been one of my favorite hobbies. When I was a small child, I used to love to watch my mother put on her lipstick and foundation because I thought it was so interesting. I was curious as to what she did to achieve such flawless-looking skin. I would ask her if I could try some of her makeup, and she would let me apply a small dab of powder or blush on my cheeks. When I became a gymnast I started applying my own makeup and from then on, I was hooked. When I stopped training I still kept up my skills with makeup, and for a short time considered becoming a MUA.

Now that I am an adult, I have come to the conclusion that a job as a makeup artist is the ideal path for me to take. It combines two of my greatest interests: making other individuals look attractive and assisting others in gaining self-assurance. When I do someone's makeup, one of the things that I find most satisfying is witnessing the metamorphosis that takes place, not only on the surface but also on the inside. When my clients leave my chair, they feel like the very best version of themselves, and that is something that cannot be put a price on.

Why then do you want to become a makeup artist? For me, the answer is clear: doing so brings me joy. And if I could choose anything else to do with my life, it would be to focus on making the happiness of others a priority. To a regard that is what specializing in the field does, by making somebody look their best you are helping them feel their best, bring happiness in that manner is also very rewarding.

But it is much more than just skill.

Like with every art based profession you need to have both talent and networking skills. For many the notion that talent alone is not enough to make it in the competitive field of makeup artistry can be deterring; yet, it is important to understand that you need a lot more than that to be successful. Self-promotion is absolutely necessary if you want to establish a name for yourself in the fashion and beauty industry, just as it is in any other field of work.

There are a number of important things that you can do to advertise your abilities as a makeup artist and get your name out there in the world. To begin, you should think about establishing an online portfolio in the form of a website or a blog. Be sure to include images of your clients' before-and-after transformations, as well as any testimonials they may have to share with you. You can also reach a bigger audience by using social media sites like Instagram and Facebook which means I would need to dust off my old accounts.

You shouldn't just limit yourself to marketing your work on the internet; you should also think about showing off your talents in person. Attend local fashion shows or beauty events and offer your services as a makeup artist to the models or guests at these events. This is an excellent opportunity to meet prospective customers and to display your expertise.

That said, one must not discount the significance of word-of-mouth advertising. Ensure that your customers are pleased with the work that you have provided for them, and urge them to recommend you to their friends. As a makeup artist, your path to success will be paved for you if you focus on delivering high-caliber services and cultivating a solid reputation.

First Impressions Are Beauty's Business

There is no doubting the importance of a first impression, and in the beauty industry, your business card is typically the first sight of your work that potential clients see. Because of this, it is important to make a good first impression. Your business card is an essential piece of promotional material that can assist you in attracting new customers and promoting yourself as a professional makeup artist.

I have seen some very talented artists use some really terrible cards. They didn't set the tone for their skills right or they choose something that wasn't very flattering. For this aspect I was mindful that I chose the ones that both represented me and looked professional. The set that I settled on offered a mix of all of these aspects while looking a little bit cute and playful, not too much to distract from any one point but enough to feel right.

Makeup application is a tasteful business

Using business cards effectively can be difficult, but here are some helpful hints:

1. Maintain an air of seriousness.

It is important that the professionalism of your brand is reflected on your business card. Select a high-quality paper material and finish, and steer clear of employing designs that are childish or gimmicky.

2. Make use of compelling imagery.

Use striking pictures on your business card so that it jumps out at potential customers when they see a stack of cards. If you are a makeup artist, you might want to use a close-up shot of one of the looks you've created with cosmetics. You may also make your card stand out by using a striking color scheme or unusual typography.

3. Be sure to include any pertinent information.

Make sure that your contact information is readily available and that it contains all of the pertinent particulars, such as your name, title, telephone number, email address, website URL, and social media handles.

4. Placement should be given careful consideration.

Take some time to plan out where you will place your business cards before you start handing them out. For instance, you may leave them at areas where the people who are most likely to become your customers would see them, such as hair salons, spas, or shops. Alternately, you may distribute them at beauty-industry-related gatherings such as events and meetups.

5. Keep in touch!

After you have handed someone your business card, it is important that you remember to follow up with them. Remember how important I said networking is once you have your foot in the door? There should never be an opportunity left untapped or a contact that is allowed to go cold. Send a short text message or email to the individual to thank them for their time and add a link to your website or portfolio so that they can learn more about your work. You may even choose to thank them for their time in person.

Regardless of how important it seems now there is no guarantee that in the future you may not be able to help one another in some way.

Important Skills to Learn

A Skilled MUA

There are plenty of different aspect of beauty that a MUA can focus on, yet, there are some areas that you cannot ignore no matter whatever else you choose to include in your portfolio of skills. The list was given to me by an instructor when I first showed interest and I worked on each area, not until I was happy, but when the critique on how to improve them stopped.

Mix Colors for Optimum Results

As a makeup artist, one of the most important skills you can have is the ability to mix and match colors. Whether you’re working with eyeshadows, lipsticks, or foundation, being able to create custom colors that complement your client’s features is essential. With so many different products on the market, it can be overwhelming trying to figure out which shades to use. But with a little practice, mixing and matching colors will become second nature.

Apply Makeup That Flatters the Individual

Another important skill for makeup artists is knowing how to apply makeup in a way that is flattering for the individual. Everyone’s face is different, so it’s important to tailor your makeup application to each person. Some people may prefer a natural look while others want something more dramatic. It’s your job to figure out what works best for each person and make them look their absolute best.

The Skill to Make Skin Look Even and Smooth

One of the most common concerns people have when it comes to their appearance is their skin. Whether they’re dealing with acne, wrinkles, or dark spots, everyone wants to have smooth, even skin. As a makeup artist, part of your job is to help people achieve that goal. There are a variety of techniques you can use to make skin look smoother and more even, so don’t be afraid to experiment until you find what works best.

Make Eyes Look Open and Vibrant

Another common concern people have is making their eyes look bright and awake. This can be especially difficult if someone has tired-looking eyes or dark circles. But luckily, there are a few tricks you can use as a makeup artist to help brighten up someone’s appearance. From using white eyeliner to applying shimmery eyeshadow, there are plenty of ways to make eyes look brighter and more awake.

Creating Different Looks for Different Occasions

As a makeup artist, it’s also important to be able to create different looks for different occasions. Whether someone is looking for a casual daytime look or a glamorous evening look, you should be able to provide them with what they need. People often book makeup artists for special occasions like weddings or parties, so it’s important that you know how to create a variety of looks that will wow your clients.

Cover Image

Starting a New Career Path Can Be Wrought With Uncertainty

November 25, 2022 - Reading time: 9 minutes

As I sit here and type of this note there is a lot of flux in my professional life. The potential for layoffs is pretty high right now in my company and yet I see it as an opportunity to move in a new direction. As you know I have been a lot of things in my life, when I was younger it was more than clear to me that, someday, I would be a professional gymnast at least for several years. Today, my husband and I still go dancing, both of us being rhythmically inclined, though my obsession has subdued to a normal health level from my peak in my early teens.

It should not come as much of a surprise that changing occupations could be a challenging task. After all, starting a new job from scratch in a field that you are not familiar with is not exactly the simplest thing to accomplish, particularly if you do not have any prior experience in the field.

Altering one's line of work can, on the other hand, result in a variety of positive outcomes. It is possible that it will provide you with the opportunity to start over, acquire new skills, and even make more money. Therefore, how can you determine if switching careers is the best choice for you?

Here are some things that should be taken into consideration:

  1. Are you dissatisfied with the career that you currently have?
    • If you've come to the conclusion that your current line of work isn't making you happy, it might be time to look into other options. Being unhappy in one's job can result in a wide range of complications, including a decline in productivity, increased absenteeism, and even clinical depression.
  2. Do you feel as though you're unable to get out of a rut?
    • When you feel as though you're simply going through the motions in your job and not really getting anywhere, then it's possible that you could benefit from making a switch to something else. Stepping outside of one's comfort zone can lead to the discovery of new opportunities and personal development.
  3. Are you interested in taking on a greater challenge?
    • People will frequently remain in the same line of work because they are either reluctant to embrace change or mistakenly believe that they are unable to excel at anything else. If you recognize yourself in any of these descriptions, it may be time to reevaluate the circumstances surrounding you. Putting yourself in uncomfortable situations can be beneficial to your personal and professional development.

That is simpler said than done for most. When I am left with a tricky situation I feel it is useful to go through a list of pros and cons, usually, I never need to write them down but with my current situation I did. When I was working to become a gymnast there was a need to do my own makeup when we would preform. That left me with an interest in makeup artistry when my gymnastic career was no longer relevant. That left me always wondering if it was life sending me a message.

Photo of a person presented with an obsticle

Breaking It Further Down

While my list looked a little bit different when I jotted it down this is what, in essence, it boiled down to. A number of the points were slightly different and I have already taken some courses on cosmetology when I was younger so point three of the cons list are less relevant to me now than they were when I was making my thoughts about the career choice in my teens.

First the Pros

  1. It's never too late to switch gears in your professional life. Many people believe that your twenties are the best time to "discover yourself," but this does not mean that you have to remain in the same job for the rest of your life. It is acceptable to seek new employment if you feel that you are not content in your current position.

  2. Having a shift in routine can be refreshing. Altering your line of work could provide you with a revitalized sense of purpose if you've been feeling like you're caught in a rut. Beginning one's career anew in a different sector or domain might be an exciting prospect.

  3. It's possible that you have more skills and experience than you give yourself credit for. When making a transition to a new line of work, you might be surprised to find that many of the abilities you gained in your prior position are transferable to the new industry.

  4. Switching to a new line of work may provide a more favorable work-life balance. If you're having trouble striking a healthy balance between your work and personal life in your current line of work, you might benefit from making a change. Think about getting a job that can either provide you with more adaptable working hours or let you do some of your job from home.

Now for the Cons

  1. Making a significant change in one's line of work can be a stressful and intimidating experience. There will be a great deal of uncertainty, and it is possible that your income and job title will need to be reset to their most basic levels.

  2. You are going to have to do some research. It is essential to make a decision regarding changing occupations after gathering sufficient information. Be sure to conduct exhaustive study on potential new lines of work before making the transition.

  3. You might be required to get additional training or return to school. Before starting your new career, you could be required to complete a certain number of classes or receive further training, and this need will vary according to the industry that you will be working in. This can make the process of switching careers more time-consuming and expensive.

My Dream Job?

Would it be my dream job? I am note able to answer that with a resounding yes. My current job is fine, while not rewarding, I also don't hate it. But how many of us can say that, the majority most likely since we would have a lot more career flux going on.

One aspect of becoming a makeup artist is that one is pretty free, you work for somebody else if it doesn't work out, you can be freelance, or start your own salon and hire others to do the work. No matter what my path is is would still love to find my dream job.

Finding the right career is one of the most rewarding things you can do. It can be a difficult and time-consuming process, but it’s worth it in the end. There are a few key things to keep in mind when searching for the right career.

Think about what you’re passionate about. What are you interested in? What drives you? When you find a career that you’re passionate about, it won’t feel like work. You’ll be excited to get up and go to your job every day.

You should also consider your skills and strengths, honestly. What are you good at? What do you enjoy doing? Matching your skills and interests with a career is a great way to find satisfaction in your work.

By researching different careers and by talking to people who are already working in those fields you can get a realistic idea of what the day-to-day tasks are like and whether or not you would enjoy them. Once you have a better understanding of what a particular career entails, you can make a more informed decision about whether or not it’s the right fit for you.

Finally, don’t be afraid to take risks. Trying something new can be scary, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. Stepping outside of your comfort zone may just lead you to the perfect career for you.

Searching for the right career can be daunting, but it’s also an exciting journey. By keeping these things in mind, you’ll be well on your way to finding a career that you love.

Wow, today's essay got a lot longer than I had planned, it really was just going to be a note at first but my finger kept typing and this is what we ended up with. There is a sense of clarity that I now have after writing this wasn't there when the first words rolled across the screen which is positive sign. Wish me luck, my deliberation has been long and my path getting to the decision to move forward even longer!

Cover Image

Listen to Both Your Smart Heart and Head

September 20, 2021 - Reading time: 2 minutes

Communication rules in healthy happy relationships. There is an increasingly widespread idea that the important thing for people to keep in mind when entering a union our their feelings as well as the feelings of their partner. These can often get lost in the hubbub. According to this idea, our feelings should be the compass that guide the relationships between two people, influence them when making decisions, decide what is right or wrong, define the aspects of their relationship that they want to develop.

It's been often put aside in favor of one's will and intelligence, today it is seen as one of three important factors, which is also the key element in the relationship because it was common belief that it's going to be the easiest sense of reason to follow. This is seen a lot at work especially when we "feel tired" (feelings/emotions are exhausting to handle at times) we don't finish our job well, rather than being strong and doing it right.

This makes sense.

Therefore it also makes sense that the same be applied to the principle of marriage, this would work so long as we are clear about our feelings, so rather than when you stop "feeling" love for the spouse, the marriage loses its meaning. Taken from this perspective it is no wonder that it is increasingly widespread phenomena. That is to say when feelings begin to disappear a couple's coexistence is made into an uphill battle. Situations like these ultimately begin to force many people to start looking outside for what they do not find inside. Instead of focusing their attention and effort on regaining or rebuilding that love, they get carried away with what they feel is the easiest solution: feeling like victims and seeking comfort elsewhere.

The notion that something so fundamental and natural affects such intimate aspects of people -- as love cannot be based exclusively on something as fragile and brittle as feelings -- that by their very nature are oscillating and subject to ups and downs that. In fact in most cases they do not merely depend on the will of oneself. As most well know feelings depend on many factors, both of which are internal and external to oneself. Factors such as climatology, tiredness, hormonal disarrays, stress, etc... make our feelings and moods vary greatly. Marriage must be entrenched and built on something more solid like than emotion, but it cannot survived with will and intelligence alone. It must be guided by the heart and head, which makes an intelligent love, a lasting bond.

I Was A Gymnast, Rhythmically Speaking

June 8, 2021 - Reading time: 4 minutes

When I was younger I loved to dance and after many years of taking dance and going through many styles and disciplines, I was fortunate to have all of these resources come together in one place, rhythmic gymnastics. It encompassed my life for several years and gave me a lot of great experiences and opened up some opportunities that I would not had otherwise.

Today I thought that I would share a little bit about the topic for fun and because I would otherwise be stumped on what to write about. The lack of topics lately has been somewhat bothersome and one which, schedule allowing, will receive some changes.

Rhythmic gymnastics is one of the most creative sports, leaving room for imagination (as almost all disciplines do that have to do with music and body expressiveness) as well as dance.

floor work with ball

It seeks to achieve original exhibitions through the combination of difficult exercises, in addition to achieving a balanced and beautiful exercise that enhances expressiveness through the exhibition and impress the judges with the refined technique and its beauty. This is achieved through considering the maximum complexity of body harmonic expression the rhythm under the sports inspiration and the beauty of the body in motion.

Rhythmic Gymnastics Equipment


The Clubs are bottle-shaped. Its length is 40 to 50 cm and its weight of at least 150 gr. With them the gymnast makes swings, conductions (full circles), mills, pitches, etc. It's one. of the most difficult piece of equipment because you have to use both equally hands at a very fast pace.


Length varies relative to gymnast stature. It's the device with the least showy nature which makes them less popular among the gymnasts, but its handling, together with the ball is an elementary aspect of the sport, because of this girl plays with her from and grace. Jumps are elements typical seen combined with the rope. There are also swings, rotations and pitches. Usually the gymnasts will use music with a lot of rhythm when using a rope.


Its length is 6 m. It has to be in constant motion. This is the most aesthetic device used, but also the most treacherous as it can end up getting tangled up or losing the path with ease. A good exercise should include variety in the drawing of patterns with the ribbon, combined with jumps, turns, balances, pitches, etc. They are a lot of fun but hard to master.


Its diameter is 18 to 20 cm and its weight of 400 gr at a minimum. The balls are typical elements used in most routines which makes the apparatus demanding, routines are filled with movements that are very broad and use a full range of body movements. They're very eye-catching launches and receptions outside the field of view. Control of the ball with most parts of the body are another basic element used when on the floor.


Its inner diameter should be 80 to 90 cm and its weight, 300 gr as my way. They were used for the first time time in an exhibition at the 1936 games as a symbol of the hoops used in the Olympic symbol. With the hoop are made rotations, rollings about the body, throws, passage through the interior, swings, etc.

If you found this interesting and I can write further about the sport.

Cover Image

The Life After

November 27, 2020 - Reading time: 6 minutes

What if the afterlife exists?

Yesterday I was supposed to attend a concert, of course that wasn't possible. But had we went we would have been at a concert which was to host 15,000 people. When we first learned that it was going to be canceled we were a little unhappy. You see the tickets had been a birthday gift from my fiancée. We had been looking forward to attending for some time and it would have been a memorable outing which was special to both of us. You see, the song playing when he proposed to me was from the artist we were going to see. It is our sort of our song. But that is not the point of the entry today.

After we realized that the concert wasn't going to happen I was a little put off which quickly dissipated. After all with the current crisis it was the most sensible thing to do. It was at some point afterwards that I began to think about the concert from a different perspective. Had it actually happened it would have resulted in the death of an uncertain number of people, it led me to think about my next article on this site. I had not written anything about the topic but it has been in my thoughts since I was a child.


It is such a tragic topic but it is the only sure thing in this life. The first thing to become clear to me in my childhood was the need to always be prepared. Much of what we consider detrimental can be avoided when we ensure a certain amount of preparedness and commonsense.

Many people add another guideline to navigate the world we inhabit. Religion. The afterlife is either a reward or a punishment given that it can either be eternal happiness or punishment. This encourages us to think sensibly about our actions and prepares a framework for life. The afterlife, for many, is a given.

Now, with that foundation in mind let us pretend that the life we expect after death does not exist. That is to say that, the fundamental truth of the Christian faith, the existence of the afterlife, is nonexistent. Nonsense I agree. But for the sake of argument let's pretend, but just for a minute. What would happen? What would this do to our attitudes?

When this is the guideline for the reasonable person, the one that promises us eternal rewards or punishment — based on our actions, how does it affect the way we would act?

How would we react to the temptations and challenges that make up the human existence?

Would our interests change?

Let's look at this from another perspective.

There are countless insurance companies out there to offer us unlimited ways to ensure we are safe when we engage in an endless assortment of unsafe things, especially when it comes to things worth securing. Health, home, life, and everything in-between they are there to ensure your life on earth is worry free. Up until this point we have been able to rely on our faith to insure us after all of those things are not needed. The person who lives in an apartment house does not have to worry about securing it, but the one who owns their home in which they have invested their resources, does. For them it is worth it to secure it against a possible fire, because for them, a fire could represent an irreparable catastrophe. Now, when you insure against fire, are you convinced that the fire will happen? I think most people are pretty certain that their home will not burn down. If they weren't their entire existence would be consumed about worrying about the prospect of a fire. We are pretty sure it won't happen because it's not likely to happen (thankfully). It's just, possible, nothing more. And because we have a lot to lose, we insure it against loss.

Can the same sentiment be placed on a less tangible asset.

Let us move this from the purely human order of business, to the things that pertain to our soul. Most people believe in the existence of a life after death. Yet, this has provided philosophers and thinkers with a tremendous problem. How can you prove/disprove our eternal destinies, and more importantly bring out the consequence our lives have on that? As Christians we believe this as an absolute, with concrete assurance from the church, that we have something waiting for us on the other side, even if it was unlikely, but merely possible that an existence waited for us beyond the most elementary prudence should lead us to take all kinds of precautions to ensure the salvation of our souls. Just as we ensure that in the event of any assortment of catastrophe take place, we are insured against ruin. Because, if we were work, and there was indeed a hell and we were condemned for all eternity, we would have lost absolutely everything forever.

Is their an afterlife?


The argument, if it turns out that there is a hell, for those who do not think of the afterlife, those who enjoy life to the fullest and concentrate on fun, wallowing in all kinds of earthly pleasures, or those who are simply "good people, who do no harm to anyone," who also do little to improve themselves and life for those around them. Those of us who are convinced that there is an eternity, those of us who live a Christian life cannot be lead to eternal failure. Even assuming that there is no beyond after this poor life, what we will it have cost us living honestly?

As you can see, at the time of death you put everything at stake, playing everything on a card, considering what is at risk it is a stakes game. Sometimes change once we are old, we know that the end comes to us all sooner or later, and what is the harm? We have had all of our fun. But we run the risk of being too late.

What if we go sooner?

What happens if we lose?

Cover Image

It's So Crazy It Might Just Work

November 5, 2020 - Reading time: 6 minutes

I am engaged, many of you know that since I have written about it here a number of times already. But what many of you may not know is that I not only want to get married, I want a working marriage after that point forward when we exchange vows. Most of us do. This has made me interested in the topic of working marriages and what needs to function properly for them to work.

So today I return again to the subject of marriage, since the good weather we've been having was nothing worth writing about and I think it is time to make good marriages "fashionable." After all the marriage models that are sold to us in the news are the celebrity sort, the ones that end in broken marriages or divorces. We see these all the time but have you started thinking about how many marriages are successful? For more than those that fail. If we exclude the Hollywood sort at least. Why is that? They are successful because they are based on effort, since nothing is easy in this life, especially when it is worthwhile.

The last time I asked a friend "What do you do if your company starts selling less?" This is a straightforward question, and one that when targeted toward a business orientated person will be answered likewise. He was quick to answer, he could do many things, create promotions, save costs, hire qualified staff, change strategy, etc. Then I asked him: "would you think about closing your company?" To which he answered: "are you crazy?" In his words he would attempt the impossible before that would happen.

His company means a lot to him as you can tell.

Why don't we act like that when it comes to marriage? Many couples at first disagree or engage in the fights that exist in every marriage, but some think of throwing in the towel without first risking the fighting and learning (hint you don't have to fight in the first place). In this regard, John of the Cross said more than a millennium ago:

"In search of my Love
I will go over mountains and strands;
I will gather no flowers,
I will fear no wild beasts;
And pass by the mighty and the frontiers." 

There appears to be a monopoly on stories of heartbreak which causes some of us to distrust of marriage. I saw a survey once where several hundred married couples from different countries, with a minimum of ten years of marital life, were asked if they considered their union a happy one, even if some misunderstandings and conflicts that they considered normal were present in their lives. The result was that people were happy together, and they had a number of things in common that allowed them to live happily together. We need to understand that happiness is not incompatible with conflicts and crises that can be considered normal.

love birds

Happiness isn't a given, it takes work and time to adjust and refine the loving relationship in the face of successive changes that, over time, occur in conjugal and family life. It helps to remember that getting married is for life and once that is clear that marriage is forever and there will be hurtles to overcome. Understanding this from the beginning allows you to face them together by putting forth the means required to overcome them.

I am aware that love is not a fact fulfilled at the time of the wedding: it is something that is built every day, it is a permanent development and flux. You have to restart it sometime, renew your love every morning, avoid "getting used" to living with each other and falling into simple routine. True love knows how to invent, it knows how to renew itself with creativity. This requires you to use resources to keep the relationship in good condition and prevent possible conflicts: speak openly and in time, acknowledge mistakes, know how to apologize, know how to give up on senseless disputes, reach agreements, offer acts of relief, etc. This is humble, not self-sufficient love, which is shaped and nurtured, one which knows how to learn.

For those blessed with the memory of good parents who really loved each other you have the tools to shape your marriage to be a loving one as well.

An intimate relationship: with kind personal treatment, dialog, sincerity, knowledge and mutual respect; oriented to a possible marriage allow us to see our spouse as the first priority in one's life; give you preferential attention about other people and interests. We can phrase it like this: Be happy as an effect of making the other spouse happy; live to make the two of you happy happy.

Share experiences, problems, moods. Take an interest in each other's important things. Knowing how to enter their world and giving them the means to enter yours. Count on each other when making decisions.

Be friends besides spouses.

Openly express your feelings and overcome possible false modesty and fear of trusting the other spouse completely.

Admire the other and show them that they are admired.

Accept and love the other as they are without pretending to change or adapt to one's own way of being. Living together as people allows you to love each other: sincerity, trust, understanding, respect, good manners, delicacy in treatment, knowing silence, knowing how to listen, not always saying the last word.

Find a time each day to be alone and talk. Enjoy the intimate company with your spouse. Talk about everything and have a good time together. Create pleasant situations that are meaningful and allow you to make good memories.

Take care of the small details every day that make life more pleasant for your relationship.

Resolve conflicts in the day they happen instead of sleeping on them; take the first step to talk; to know how to acknowledge mistakes, ask forgiveness, and forgive.

When clashes arise think of the good memories and resort to good humor, which helps put the situation in perspective and frame the problems clearly allowing you to see reality from a more favorable side.

Cover Image

Why I Want to Marry My Best Friend

August 6, 2020 - Reading time: 9 minutes

Today there is increasing talk of the increase in divorces and separations, most of us know of a marriage that is close to ruin, or one that has ended in divorce but is only anecdotal as there are also millions of happy marriages that remain anonymous and it is time to make them fashionable, not for them, but because society needs it.

We should not be afraid of failure in our marriage if things are done well from the beginning, because contrary to popular belief the success of marriage does not depend on luck. I have several married friends who have already separated, their marriages did not even last three years, why? One of the main reasons is because they felt that there was no love in their relationship anymore.

But the silly notion should be rephrased, because they didn't not love their partner anymore. You see for there to be love, you have to love. It sounds like a very simple reasoning, but it's not that complicated. We can look at this deeper. It tells us that love is a noun and therefore reflects states, love is a verb and therefore reflects action. Love is static, it doesn't move, it doesn't change, it doesn't grow, it doesn't recover, if it's not loved. Love needs the action of love to create a reaction. That's why love just as it comes is gone and is that to stay you need the verb to love. What is the solution when there is no love anymore? Love, love more. There is a well-known proverb that goes something like: You have to sow love, where there is no love, to reap love.

it is about

Perhaps this is one of the keys to the difference between infatuation and love. Infatuation comes and goes, love is wanted, you seek it, and you work toward building it into something great.

Marriage is work, but it a work of love.

What does it cost something? Because if you don't nurture and tend to it, invest in its wellbeing it doesn't feel the same anymore. It isn't a lack of love. It is a lack of effort. Of course it costs. There's no free beer in life (as my father used to remind his friends). But everything that is worth it, also cost something; either tangible or intangible, the price is present at all times.

Besides, that what does it mean to "feel?"

Definitely the solidity of a marriage cannot be supported by the thought that today I feel like I love you, tomorrow I may feel nothing for you. That isn't what most would define as love. But talking with some of my friends it is as simple as that, taken from this idea I get the feeling that it is increasingly widespread. That when these feelings disappear coexistence is made into any uphill battle, many people start looking outside for what they do not find inside. Instead of focusing their attention and effort on regaining or rebuilding that love they once shared, they get carried away with what they feel is the easiest option: feeling like victims and seeking comfort elsewhere. Something like this is so fundamental, yet drastically affects such intimate aspects of people lives, for this love cannot be based exclusively on something as fragile and brittle as the feelings one feels at this moment. Feelings, by their very nature are oscillating and subject to ups and downs that, in most cases, do not depend on a persons will. They depend on many factors, factors that are internal and external to oneself, some of them are under our control - whether we control them is another thing entirely. Other factors are out of our control, these include such things as climate, tiredness, hormonal disarray and stress make our feelings and moods vary. Marriage must be entrenched and built on something more solid like will and intelligence than one the fluctuation of a whim.

On the other hand, thought must always carry a sentimental component and not only be based on reason. That is, it must be guided by the heart and head, which makes an intelligent love. The true seat of intelligence is not only reason but also the heart.

An intelligent heart and a sensitive reason form an unstoppable duo.

There are aspects of life that are so natural that little to no attention is paid to them. It seems that their development and growth is purely automatic. So it happens too often with marriage that the thought that love is also automatic. What could be more natural? Husbands and wives love each other, right? Why would they get married if they didn't? However the greatest danger of letting this happen naturally is that, being considered natural, it is understood that there is no need to worry about or work for it. This couldn't be further from the truth, the love is there sure, but it still needs to be nurtured. That is precisely why I think that we should devote time to the relationship and build love between the partners. Never, even on the best days should we take anything for granted. From the first moment you feel the butterflies in your stomach you have to take care of that love so that it grows and grows stronger. I know people who tend to think that strong love is one that happens on its own, it sort of awakens this explosive passion and brings with it strong feelings and this in itself is a great danger to true love. The strongest love is the one that means loving the other every day, not making it dependent on strong emotions. You need to learn to love and love precisely when love doesn't seem strong because emotions are lacking. To do this, it is necessary to know what are some of the causes that are the generators of the inevitable crises that occur in all marriages.

Show love to know love

The question is not: How much can I benefit, but how much can I give in marriage? Other causes are the bad character traits we each have in one form or another, the routine, the attention to the media that transmits negative values, or pride and selfishness, which are the origin of almost all defects, just as humility and simplicity, are the foundation of almost all qualities.

There is a belief as false as it is diffuse, it holds that when love exists, there should be no difficulties or obstacles. In this way, when conflicts come up, it is interpreted that love is losing strength and quality.

One of the best articles on marriage I have read defined the keys of success in marriage based on a survey of one hundred couples (sorry I can't find a link to it right now) from different countries, with a minimum of ten years of marital life. The participants where asked it they considered their union to be happy, even if some conflicts existed which they considered normal were not lacking in their lives. The couples who responded the happiest shared their success factors:

  • Avoid words, actions or gestures that are offenses by all means.
  • Learn to shut up and avoiding useless arguments.
  • Accept the other as is and love them with their flaws.
  • Talk after a dispute, do not let them turn to wounds.
  • Whoever gives up the effort to make the marriage work has signed the death sentence of their marriage. It's about fighting, not always winning.
  • Always influence the affection, a kiss can be given in a thousand ways, a held hand, or holding open the door, there are a thousand ways to show you care.
  • Marry for life: be clear that marriage is forever.
  • Use all of your resources to keep the relationship in good condition and prevent potential conflicts: speak up on time, acknowledge mistakes, know how to apologize and know how to give in.
  • Living together as people who love each other: Sincerity, trust (avoid having secrets with each other), understanding, respect, good manners, delicacy in treatment, being quiet, knowing how to listen, not always having the last word.
  • Take care of the small details every day that make life more pleasant for each other.
  • Do not keep a record of the spouse's transgressions, nor throw things in their face. Try to live in the present and look forward to the future.

The secret of marital happiness lies in everyday life, not in dreams. Happier couples don't always have the best of everything, they just know how to get the best out of what they have.

Basically the human virtues that most of us strive for everyday are the secret that lead to maturity and happiness. The acquisition of virtues in marriage leads to finding one's own happiness seeking the happiness of the other. Happiness is not achieved by striving to be happy, but by seeking to make others happy. Happiness is the result of a life of dedication to others; that's why you can be happy even if you suffer. Spending part of the day thinking about small things that can improve the relationship with the spouse means "shielding" the marriage. It is not only enough to be a husband or a wife, but to be a content spouse, that is, to behave as such.

Problems are calmed not by a shout, but with a caress.

Cover Image

Being Happy

July 10, 2020 - Reading time: 5 minutes

Being Thankful for What We Have

Good humor isn't limited to our species but it is one of the tools that has allowed us to grow and develop even when faced with insurmountable odds.

A Short Essay About Good Humor

Before I began to write about good humor (making the best out of your situation), I had been doing a lot of thinking. The topic has been in the forefront of my mind ever since the first scare (COVID-19) and how it pertained to our lives. For one thing, what does it mean now in a time of nearly endless possibilities; among other things how it can improve a situation that otherwise seems hopeless.

And that's precisely why I'm interested in writing about good humor today.

Because it's a tool that helps us have a put things in perspective, to distract the legitimate concerns that we all have at some point with a sense of pleasure.

Image description

Are we born with good humor? We are born with neither good or bad, but one is an innate part of our human experience. We strive for it while the latter is a trap that we can fall in if we are unable to look at the situation from different perspectives. This is derived from my personal experience, it tells me otherwise, and that is that one can modify their character not only to have good humor but to give it to others. Good humor is a gift that is freely shared among people in a similar situation.

Nicolas Zerbino, one of the survivors of the Andes flight disaster in the Andean mountain range, in which 16 of 45 people were saved after 72 days stranded in the mountains, said that after the accident, there were times when the most important thing was the sense of humor. No matter the situation it is a much-needed way to release stresses and pent up energy.

Andes flight disaster

While they were stranded on the mountain range they were confronted with the realization that they had lost friends and family. But humor still survived, and it was a means to strengthen them and their resolved. Even when death constantly haunts you, laughing may seem like a frivolity. However, it can be just the opposite, it can be the summit of the human genius that in a humble and courageous interval fills you with life when placed in front of the double mirror of his smallness and dignity. Humor acquires new perspective and finds an escape from where to release contained thoughts and feelings. Nicolas Zerbino noted that the "more pronounced the slope, the sharper and longer the crisis, the more grim and longer the tunnel divides, make good supply of the magic of humor, and laugh at others, with others and above all of yourselves."

Victor Frankl's case, for example, was similar in that he found himself in a situation where the chance of survival was almost null. Victor Frankl was one of the few Holocaust survivors, he had been placed in the worst concentration camps: Theresienstadt, Auschwitz, Kaufering and Türkheim, he lived through the worst cruelty a human being can imagine and yet he survived.

His chance of survival was slim when he arrived but yet they grew smaller everyday. Even after many of his teammates had fatally "injured" or gave up fighting he remained focused. He endured, persevered with will and intelligence, and won the match of his life. Some outstanding feats were achieved with these tools: including singing to improve his humor.Years later they became crystal clear memories of that match. "Humor is another weapon with which the soul fights for its survival" What's the fight about? What's the prize? "Survive....or die", he once said in a Hamletian way. Who's leading the contest? Neither the kidneys or the muscles, nor the head, it is the soul that stands in the heart of the front ready to fight. The soul has many attributes that allow us to overcome life's diverse obstacles. Given what's at stake when faced with those obstacles it takes all t of our cunning, focus, strategy, prudence, courage, and humor, a lot of humor. Humor is not an accidental complement to the human experience, it is essential for it. Humor can provide the necessary estrangement to overcome any situation, even if it is only for a few seconds. Those seconds are often the time needed to refocus and rise above the hurdle.

Like many of us, COVID was a moment for me to step back. I had to over come the initial fears, it was a chance to realize that it's not worth getting depressed over, laugh and enjoy life. Because this is too serious to take seriously, hence humor is a must-have crutch. While it's true we all have problems in our lives, it comes down to how we deal with them.

I would prefer to do so with a smile on my lips.