Who hasn't had any problems in life? They are like the basis of every day life for some, and even if they are not we at least think about them when they appear. Do we know how to deal with them?
That is a question which I pose to myself every time I encounter one. By asking the questions I am given a chance to step back and analyze it in a way that allows me to take a proactive look at the problem at hand.
There are no exact rules of steps and procedures approved, however, there are facts that confirm that with a given reasoning, you will have a greater chance at discovering opportunities to resolve them. Optimism and hope can get us through many hardships. There's a reason that one of the best ways to deal with a problem is to internalize it and understand it, to know what the worst is that can happen to you, but to hope for the best out come. A very important variable that we often set aside is hope, solving the problem with that optimism of knowing that we will do well.
Perhaps the most important part of the previous paragraph is the ability to correctly identify the problem. Many times we define excellent solutions but for other problems, then everything is ruined. After that, identify their causes, study possible solutions or alternatives, analyzing each of them - their advantages and disadvantages. Finally we can come to a clearer picture to choose the best alternative. But of course, the matter doesn't die there. We still have to know how to implement it, and more importantly, know how to measure and control whether it turned out the way that we wanted or not.
As a corollary to this note I leave you with one of the phrases that Bob Knight (The General), one of the greatest college basketball coaches of all time, said in relation to attitude, as well as the logical form of steps that in my opinion are recommended to solve a problem, when success is the goal they will be of no use if they are not accompanied with a good dose of hope and positive attitude: Many times adversity and problems can work in your favor. Instead of feeling a victim and feeling very sorry for yourself, using it as an excuse, you have to face the situation and get the best out of it. She is the only way for a team to develop the strength and character to compete at the highest level.
Success isn't a given, but when you focus on understanding the problem you are in a better position to solve it in a successful manner. Understanding the problem is also key in not loosing hope.
My father always told us that happiness was a choice. Angry is also a choice and it is often the easier of the two emotions to listen to. But could a complex emotional state be so easy to understand? While I do given him credit, it has helped me a lot in my lifetime, especially with dispute resolution, yet it couldn't be that simple? Could it?
Happiness is an emotion that occurs in a living being when they believe they have reached a desired goal.
Some psychologists have tried to characterize the degree of happiness through various tests, and have come to define happiness as a subjective (self-perceived) measure of well-being that influences the attitudes and behavior of individuals. People who have a high degree of happiness generally show a positive environment approach, while being motivated to achieve new goals. Unlike people who don't feel any degree of happiness that show a negative approach, feeling frustrated with the development of their lives.
That's why they say that one of the secrets to being happy is to give yourself and serve others without expecting to be thanked. In this regard, I am sure that we can learn much more from disabled people, poor, those who work to overcome problems, like the ones we have seen over the last year. Because problems teach us more than the perfect explanations of eminent scientists or educators invested in their analyses. People who have successfully overcome adversion have bee about to teach us through their growth, acceptance or just seeing them with a smile on their face; wounded people have taught us that we must accept our weaknesses and not always pretend to be strong and capable because that is where we create barriers to being happy. We always have to fight for our happiness.
Today there is increasing talk of the increase in divorces and separations, most of us know of a marriage that is close to ruin, or one that has ended in divorce but is only anecdotal as there are also millions of happy marriages that remain anonymous and it is time to make them fashionable, not for them, but because society needs it.
We should not be afraid of failure in our marriage if things are done well from the beginning, because contrary to popular belief the success of marriage does not depend on luck. I have several married friends who have already separated, their marriages did not even last three years, why? One of the main reasons is because they felt that there was no love in their relationship anymore.
But the silly notion should be rephrased, because they didn't not love their partner anymore. You see for there to be love, you have to love. It sounds like a very simple reasoning, but it's not that complicated. We can look at this deeper. It tells us that love is a noun and therefore reflects states, love is a verb and therefore reflects action. Love is static, it doesn't move, it doesn't change, it doesn't grow, it doesn't recover, if it's not loved. Love needs the action of love to create a reaction. That's why love just as it comes is gone and is that to stay you need the verb to love. What is the solution when there is no love anymore? Love, love more. There is a well-known proverb that goes something like: You have to sow love, where there is no love, to reap love.
Perhaps this is one of the keys to the difference between infatuation and love. Infatuation comes and goes, love is wanted, you seek it, and you work toward building it into something great.
Marriage is work, but it a work of love.
What does it cost something? Because if you don't nurture and tend to it, invest in its wellbeing it doesn't feel the same anymore. It isn't a lack of love. It is a lack of effort. Of course it costs. There's no free beer in life (as my father used to remind his friends). But everything that is worth it, also cost something; either tangible or intangible, the price is present at all times.
Besides, that what does it mean to "feel?"
Definitely the solidity of a marriage cannot be supported by the thought that today I feel like I love you, tomorrow I may feel nothing for you. That isn't what most would define as love. But talking with some of my friends it is as simple as that, taken from this idea I get the feeling that it is increasingly widespread. That when these feelings disappear coexistence is made into any uphill battle, many people start looking outside for what they do not find inside. Instead of focusing their attention and effort on regaining or rebuilding that love they once shared, they get carried away with what they feel is the easiest option: feeling like victims and seeking comfort elsewhere. Something like this is so fundamental, yet drastically affects such intimate aspects of people lives, for this love cannot be based exclusively on something as fragile and brittle as the feelings one feels at this moment. Feelings, by their very nature are oscillating and subject to ups and downs that, in most cases, do not depend on a persons will. They depend on many factors, factors that are internal and external to oneself, some of them are under our control - whether we control them is another thing entirely. Other factors are out of our control, these include such things as climate, tiredness, hormonal disarray and stress make our feelings and moods vary. Marriage must be entrenched and built on something more solid like will and intelligence than one the fluctuation of a whim.
On the other hand, thought must always carry a sentimental component and not only be based on reason. That is, it must be guided by the heart and head, which makes an intelligent love. The true seat of intelligence is not only reason but also the heart.
An intelligent heart and a sensitive reason form an unstoppable duo.
There are aspects of life that are so natural that little to no attention is paid to them. It seems that their development and growth is purely automatic. So it happens too often with marriage that the thought that love is also automatic. What could be more natural? Husbands and wives love each other, right? Why would they get married if they didn't? However the greatest danger of letting this happen naturally is that, being considered natural, it is understood that there is no need to worry about or work for it. This couldn't be further from the truth, the love is there sure, but it still needs to be nurtured. That is precisely why I think that we should devote time to the relationship and build love between the partners. Never, even on the best days should we take anything for granted. From the first moment you feel the butterflies in your stomach you have to take care of that love so that it grows and grows stronger. I know people who tend to think that strong love is one that happens on its own, it sort of awakens this explosive passion and brings with it strong feelings and this in itself is a great danger to true love. The strongest love is the one that means loving the other every day, not making it dependent on strong emotions. You need to learn to love and love precisely when love doesn't seem strong because emotions are lacking. To do this, it is necessary to know what are some of the causes that are the generators of the inevitable crises that occur in all marriages.
The question is not: How much can I benefit, but how much can I give in marriage? Other causes are the bad character traits we each have in one form or another, the routine, the attention to the media that transmits negative values, or pride and selfishness, which are the origin of almost all defects, just as humility and simplicity, are the foundation of almost all qualities.
There is a belief as false as it is diffuse, it holds that when love exists, there should be no difficulties or obstacles. In this way, when conflicts come up, it is interpreted that love is losing strength and quality.
One of the best articles on marriage I have read defined the keys of success in marriage based on a survey of one hundred couples (sorry I can't find a link to it right now) from different countries, with a minimum of ten years of marital life. The participants where asked it they considered their union to be happy, even if some conflicts existed which they considered normal were not lacking in their lives. The couples who responded the happiest shared their success factors:
The secret of marital happiness lies in everyday life, not in dreams. Happier couples don't always have the best of everything, they just know how to get the best out of what they have.
Basically the human virtues that most of us strive for everyday are the secret that lead to maturity and happiness. The acquisition of virtues in marriage leads to finding one's own happiness seeking the happiness of the other. Happiness is not achieved by striving to be happy, but by seeking to make others happy. Happiness is the result of a life of dedication to others; that's why you can be happy even if you suffer. Spending part of the day thinking about small things that can improve the relationship with the spouse means "shielding" the marriage. It is not only enough to be a husband or a wife, but to be a content spouse, that is, to behave as such.
Problems are calmed not by a shout, but with a caress.
One of the most rewarding activities is having a good time with friends. Now with one restriction after another appearing through the coronavirus pandemic, this once simple task has become a challenge. And in times like these the the benefits are in drastic need. Spending time with friends serves not only to relax and help us, but rather to support and help them. This is the reason I have network of contacts.
It's important to grow your networking whenever you can and with network I mean actual physical people, not social media friends! These are all types of people, you need to think about the relationships you want to have tomorrow and start building them today. This goes for the business side of things of course, people prefer to do business with their friends. According to my high school career counseling, nine out of ten jobs are achieved by such contacts. And I can attest to this, my fiancée got his job out of college through the father of his best friend.
Here are some tips how to take advantage of our personal relationships:
Make a list of the 250 people most important to you: business leaders, community leaders, friends, and family. This can be anybody really. The list should contain anyone we can offer something to or who can help us or who we can help. Start cultivating these relationships. I am not just talking about calling people by phone. Create long-term relationships that are lasting. It is important to remember the birthday or hobbies of our friends and contacts. Remembering somebody on their birthday is a nice gesture and it is easy to reach out to them.
Identify your attributes and improve them. Determine what you can offer others instead of only seeking people out for what they can offer you. The more we can offer the more interested people will be in helping us.
Analyze events well that pertain to your social circle. This is important because in order for us to be accepted by our contacts, we must be aware of news, events, and among other things changes in the way things are done. In addition to providing you with information, this will give you material to start conversations in any situation.
Always treat everyone at the same level.
Nothing scares people away more than a negative person. Always be optimistic, think positive and show it in your conversations. Listen, however, and let others speak. Don't talk without knowing what is being discussed.
Create a good impression from the start. It is helpful to move to the introduction stage quickly. Talk about hobbies, children, health, or other topics that will put people at ease.
The people that have complained the most about the lockdowns that are going on were the people without many contacts to start with. Don't let yourself get shut in.